


The Homepage Again Shall Be King

by PubliusMephistopheles



Category: Internet - Fandom, Pleated Jeans, Tumblr - Fandom, Twitter - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Parody, War Journal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-27 01:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 76
Words: 9,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15013382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PubliusMephistopheles/pseuds/PubliusMephistopheles
Summary: When the ruler of the kingdom of Pleated Jeans is mysteriously kidnapped, a rag-tag team consisting of a transcriber, a General, a Captain, and some mannequins task themselves to go save him. Written in a "war journal"-style format.





	1. Day 10

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a complete joke. It wasn't meant to go beyond Day 10 (hence why "Day 10" is the first chapter), but I begun to think it would be funny if it became a running "gag" of sorts to post a comment every week-day about the glitchy homepage of Pleated Jeans, then I thought of "Salad Fingers" taking place during World War 1, and decided to consistently make this series a "war journal" because of that.
> 
> This was never meant to go so far.

Day 10:

The homepage still will not work...  
The pagination has returned with a vengeance...  
Food and supplies are low...


	2. Day 12

Day 12:

The homepage has not returned from the war.  
The pagination, however, has refused to go back to the war.  
The supplies grow ever lower... There is no hope in sight...


	3. Day 13

Day 13:

There is word that the mannequins, envious of the rampant success, have taken the homepage hostage.  
However, the supplies have continued to dwindle in number... There is not much we can use to barter for the homepage's return from the Great War...


	4. Day 14

Day 14:

People have started to leave for the war, hoping to rescue the homepage and drive off the pagination. But, it's all hopeless. The exact Hero we hoped for has yet to arrive.  
There are barely any supplies left. The mannequins draw ever closer...


	5. Day 17

Day 17:

The mannequins have invented a Superweapon of sorts, and has tested it out on some of the survivors of this still-ongoing Great War. This weapon warps reality and has resulted in many a confused and distorted individual.

It has just come to my attention that this reality-warping Superweapon could be the key to rescuing the homepage and keeping the pagination away. Is this idea foolish? Have we gone mad? What will be the out-come?


	6. Day 18

Day 18:

The reality-warping Superweapon has been used by the mannequins to infect random passersby with the want to blindly obey the pagination.  
Nobody has attempted to steal the weapon to our side. If somebody could, we could win the war. We could warp the pagination out of existence and bring the homepage back... Home.

There is hope that can still be woken.  
A light from the shadows shall spring.  
Remade shall be bonds that were broken.  
The homepage again shall be king.


	7. Day 19

Day 19: 

The mannequins have once again utilised the reality-warping Superweapon to a troubling effect: every group of two has been reduced to a group of one.

I fear the mannequins may try next to infiltrate the homestead disguised as the missing friends. It will be a mystery if we can tell them apart from the real versions at this rate. As long as the homepage is spared, there is hope left. We will be okay.

The homepage again shall be king.


	8. Day 20

Day 20: 

In order to combat the mannequins, some people have started pasting pictures together in an incredibly long line, believing it to then be "immune" to the reality-warping Superweapon.

General Tumblr returned to-day along with a new shipment of supplies, a small salvage in the grand scheme of things. We can still hold out a tad longer; how much longer, I do not know. We need to start rationing.

We are, hunger-wise, one step closer to rescuing the homepage. The pagination has seemingly disappeared, hopefully for all time.


	9. Day 21

Day 21: 

With many people fighting the mannequins and/or succumbing to the Great War itself, people have taken to stealing articles from those who have already perished and claiming them as their own.

In this moment, the people on our side are just as bad as our enemies. I fear the homepage will never be rescued. Who will be the Hero we need?

Do we even have a Hero?


	10. Day 24

Day 24:

The pagination has unleashed a triple-attack, the mannequins have commenced an invasion, I'm not sure who has the reality-warping Superweapon anymore, and I'm all out of fruit snacks.

Where is our Hero? Will the homepage ever again be king?


	11. Day 25

Day 25:

The homepage has returned from the war, but the Great War is not over yet. The reality-warping Superweapon has, unfortunately, ended back up in the hands of the mannequins.

They have already used it to annihilate articles dating from yester-day to twenty-five days ago, sending them to an inaccessible Void between the homepage and Page 2. Only traces of comments from survivors remain. There are still no words from General Tumblr.

How can the homepage rule once more if there is still so much ruin?

All that remains does not glitter.  
The articles gone will not remain lost.  
The ones who still fight do not wither.  
We shall win at some unknown cost.  
There is hope that can still be woken.  
A light from the shadows shall spring.  
Remade shall be bonds that were broken.  
The homepage again shall be king.


	12. Day 26

Day 26:

The homepage is still safe in our possession, but things are yet being sucked into the Void between us and Page 2. Amusingly, even some mannequins got sucked in. People just stood and watched in disbelief.

It seems our enemy now is the Void. Will we all have to team up to solve this conundrum? Who exactly will be our Hero?


	13. Day 27

Day 27:

The Void grows ever-wider. More and more people, friend and foe alike, are being taken. The homepage remains safe, but still not king.

There has been correspondence from a group of mannequins, who we now believe are trying to team up with us, that the Void was set up by a menace by the name of Guy Fieri.

Is Guy Fieri really behind this? Or is he a scapegoat for a bigger threat? Also, who is responsible for the pagination's unwanted return?

Will the homepage lead us to victory? Or will Guy Fieri grind us to dust? Where is our Hero? Or, is it true, what others have said?

THERE IS NO HERO, ONLY VOID.


	14. Day 28

Day 28:

General Tumblr returned with some bad news: nearly every ounce of sanity is being sucked out of people and into the Void. The homepage mourns the many losses.

The Void grows stronger, the group of mannequins we took in quake in fear, and General Tumblr left again to scout out survivors. Will he make it?

Will WE all make it? Will there even be a kingdom left for the homepage to rule?


	15. Day 31

Day 31:

The reality-warping Superweapon has returned, and has ended up in the hands of the true enemy. The latest theory is that Guy Fieri was the scapegoat all along for... The pagination.

It all makes too much sense: the terrible content, the pagination's return, the group of scared mannequins huddling in our camp. It was the pagination's fault all along.

We thought it had been sucked into the Void, but I guess we assumed wrong. The threat is still here, and, unfortunately, I do not think we will ever succeed in solving this conundrum. There is too much ruin and not enough kingdom. The Void is winning.

All that remains does not glitter.  
All funny content has become lost.  
The nonsense here has brought us to wither.  
It seems we cannot win at any cost.  
There is no hope that can be woken.  
Nothing more to the site can they bring.  
No truer words could be spoken:  
'The homepage never again shall be king'.


	16. Day 32

Day 32:

The Void has decreased slightly, enough to spit out some people it had swallowed, but not enough to disappear entirely.

Our despair yester-day may be unjustified if the world repairs itself. Scapegoat or no scapegoat, reality-warping Superweapon or no Superweapon, mannequin foes or friends, pagination or no pagination, funny content or nothing to be seen; no matter what, we shall find a way to win after all. General Tumblr will alert the other camps.

Among the madness, we will find glitter.  
The wrong paths will become uncrossed.  
General Tumblr will alert Captain Twitter.  
Our hope we shall not exhaust.  
The bonds that remain shall be unbroken.  
In a circle, friend and foe together shall sing.  
The guiding words once more will be spoken:  
'The homepage again shall be king'.


	17. Day 33

Day 33:

It is hopeless. The Mood Whiplash experienced in the last two days could not have prepared us for to-day's tragedy: the homepage got kidnapped right under our noses.

Captain Twitter blamed the rescued mannequins, but there was no evidence that they did it, as they are all still here with us. If one had been missing, then it would have been suspicious.

Who is the cause of this? The pagination? The Void? Even Guy Fieri?

Wait, what happened to the reality-warping Superweapon? Speaking of "missing", where's General Tumblr?

I cannot be bothered to search for articles; I have to look for our soldiers, survivors, and, most importantly, our past-and-future king.


	18. Day 34

Day 34:

The pagination returned yester-day to rear its ugly head, but to-day seems to be pagination-free. ...I feel like I just jinxed us.

The homepage is still missing, as is General Tumblr. We fear that the reality-warping Superweapon has ended back up in the hands of the pagination.

A mannequin offered to go track down General Tumblr, only to be sucked into the Void. We are now down one mannequin.

Will we make it out alive? How long can we go on like this? When will the madness end?


	19. Day 35

Day 35:

To our surprise, the homepage updated, but not completely. We hope this means that the homepage is still alive, wherever he may currently be held captive.

To our horror, the pagination arrived with a mighty attack and broke through the front lines. Without the homepage to protect us, many people went down. General Tumblr returned, however- we thought he was dead. Can his army hold up long enough for our king's return?

And the Void still rages- rages as much as the pagination, and us against them both.

Whoever has the reality-warping Superweapon right now, I hope you're pleased with yourself.


	20. Day 38

Day 38:

The homepage was mysteriously dropped off back at our base. A few people swore that he was returned via UFO. Others say the reality-warping Superweapon was used to return him. Regardless of how he was let back to us, the most important thing is that we have our king again.

However, the Void still exists. It seems to have stopped sucking in people, but it still thirsts for articles. Perhaps if we can trick it into eating something that is disguised as an article, we can take it down. Maybe disguise and toss in the pagination? Whoever can accomplish this action will be our Hero.

And the homepage again shall be king.


	21. Day 39

Day 39:

The reality-warping Superweapon has been used to destroy the memories of people's happy childhoods and replace them with terrible, twisted things.

Not even mannequins are immune to the memory-changing. Two of them are crying. The Void grows stronger. Somehow. It has not grown any bigger, but we sense its impressive power.

Even the homepage is terrified of being captured again. Captain Twitter has gone missing this time. General Tumblr searches the grounds.

Will we ever get out of this mess alive? Can the pagination be taken down?


	22. Day 40

Day 40:

The Void still exists. The pagination is probably still out there. The homepage still exists. Hope still exists. We are so close to victory.

Who will prevail? Who will be our Hero?


	23. Day 41

Day 41:

We believed the threat to be over with. The surviving mannequins were to return to Mannequin Territory to-day. We walked them to the door- and that was when a dark cloud appeared, snatched up the homepage, yelled something in French at us, and took off. The mannequins went straight back inside the building.

General Tumblr arrived to warn us about the dark cloud, but he was already too late. The homepage is gone once more. Captain Twitter's army fights again. The mannequins plan to steal back the reality-warping Superweapon (which we are pretty sure is still in the hands of the pagination).

Why are clouds being weaponised now? Perhaps the power is from the abilities of the reality-warping Superweapon? Or are they one-in-the-same? Is it the UFO the mannequins claimed to have seen a few days ago? I do not know. Life does not make sense anymore.

The Void is angry. Our Hero is nowhere in sight.

...There is no Hero, only Dark Cloud.


	24. Day 42

Day 42:

There was a prophetic vision from Captain Twitter, as he sat in a corner and ate a bowl of Frosties. According to his vision, a Hero is to arrive on an unspecified Thursday in the future and take down the pagination to ensure the homepage's kingdom remains peaceful, and shall sport a name either beginning in "M" or in "D".

The remaining mannequins got into a heated argument about what the names stood for. One said "Mark", two said "Meme". Two said "Desmond", three said "Driller". The last was undecided and just wanted to taste Twitter's cereal.

So, if our Hero is truly out there, I hope his or her name makes a lot more sense. Someday, surely, the homepage again shall be king.


	25. Day 45

Day 45:

Either I am early, or this site has decided to nuke itself and become a perilous wasteland.

The homepage remains gone. Tumblr and Twitter battle the enemy endlessly. The mannequins still argue over the future Hero's name. The pagination remains hidden, somewhere. All hail the Void and Dark Cloud.

Look at us, what have we become?


	26. Day 46

Day 46:

An attempt to be positive seems to be working. Rather than mourn the homepage's disappearance, people are instead using the time to work on projects they had put on hold, such as cleaning or finishing up a good book. There will be time to look for our king later.

Everyone is appearing to have a good time. Although writing is good practise for me, it is my duty to record all of the mishaps of this kingdom. I can be positive, I just cannot escape the negative. Somebody has to transcribe this.

And I will not stop until the pagination stays away, guaranteed.  
Until the Void and Dark Cloud are destroyed.  
Until General Tumblr and Captain Twitter consistently arrive on schedule.  
Until the mannequins can return home.  
Until Guy Fieri is proven innocent and was only a scapegoat.  
Until our "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero arrives.  
One day, on some unknown future day, the kingdom of Pleated Jeans shall prosper once more.

The homepage again shall be king.


	27. Day 47

Day 47:

The pagination has been presumed dead. We are going off of context-clues only for now, but it seems that that battle has been won.

The homepage, however, is yet missing. The positivity from yester-day is still making everybody not care that much, unfortunately.

Many people do have evidence that the reality-warping Superweapon WAS, in fact, converted into Dark Cloud- so at least that mystery has been put to rest.

What haven't been put to rest are who in the world blamed Guy Fieri for the pagination's bad deeds, who keeps kidnapping the homepage, who was manipulating the mannequins, why the reality-warping Superweapon was converted into Dark Cloud in the first place, how and why Dark Cloud knows French, where the Void came from and why it is still here, and where our "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero is?

Someday, everything will be solved. Everything will be put to rest.

I'm sure of it.


	28. Day 48

Day 48:

I am displeased to announce that, in an attempt to aggravate the captor of the homepage into giving him back to us, the people have taken to wearing mismatched fashions and colours: some wearing black-and-brown paisleys, others wearing neon slacks. It's quite baffling.

I have no idea why everyone thinks this will work, but... A mannequin has just handed me rose-tinted sunglasses.


	29. Day 49

Day 49:

Here I sit, in rose-tinted sunglasses. The mannequins are pleased.

The homepage remains missing. The Funny Pic Dump faction seems to have been nuked, and there apparently are no survivors. We believe the pagination is to blame.

Captain Twitter brought more cereal. At least we won't starve whilst we wait for all of this madness to straighten itself out. We shall survive.

And the homepage again shall be king.


	30. Day 52

Day 52:

The homepage still remains missing. The rose-tinted sunglasses are helping mask the pain, but therein lines the problem: it is only a mask.

Everybody is slowly starting to crack- and for some of the mannequins, this means literally. One lost an arm and another lost several toes.

General Tumblr returned to report that there were no sightings of any of our enemies. At this rate, I have no idea if this is a good thing or a bad thing.


	31. Day 53

Day 53:

I am writing on the same page as the previous entry because there have been no discernible updates from my end, from what I have seen.

The homepage remains missing amidst the Great War. The Funny Pic Dump faction remains nuked. Dark Cloud payed a visit and threatened to kidnap General Tumblr and Captain Twitter if we didn't bow down to the Void.

Why would Dark Cloud be in cahoots with the Void? I thought the pagination was responsible for everything? Or is it really Guy Fieri? And what about the UFO the mannequins saw? What is even happening anymore?

At this rate, I fear our "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero will never show up.

And the homepage never again shall be king.


	32. Day 54

Day 54:

The Funny Pic Dump faction has been confirmed to have at least one survivor. Captain Twitter went out to dispatch them.

Meanwhile, we all fear General Tumblr and Captain Twitter will be kidnapped next, as threatened yester-day. A mannequin offered to go in Twitter's place to the Funny Pic Dump faction, but he refused the help, saying it was his duty and his alone.

We all fear something will happen, we just cannot tell when. But at least everybody was able to sit down and tell heartwarming stories together in the meantime, even through all the turmoil.

Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.


	33. Day 55

Day 55:

General Tumblr got a report that Captain Twitter has not been kidnapped, he has just fallen into a deep hole and cannot get out.

We begged him to not go out and retrieve him, so he contended with us and brought out a robotic owl he had built a long time ago for such things. Why he hadn't brought this up earlier, I will never know.

The robotic owl screeched at my rose-tinted sunglasses, flogged a mannequin, and then took off and crashed into a tree, breaking itself into pieces. That idea is out.

Tumblr left us to repair the owl while he went out to retrieve Twitter above our second round of protests.

I don't think I like this owl.


	34. Day 56

Day 56:

Even the animals are being affected by the Great War.

There are reports that cats are doing the Tango with slinkies and knocking full-sized doors off of their hinges with bursts of immense strength. Perhaps the reality-warping Superweapon and/or Dark Cloud has something to do with this.  
We managed to get the robotic owl back up and running. The second it flew off outside, a cat leapt from a tree branch and devoured it whole. So much for that.

General Tumblr returned without Captain Twitter, stating that he could not locate the hole he had fallen into, but he DID discover a new café and brought us all coffee.

I am not sure what to think of this. I just wish our past-and-future king, Homepage von Pleated Jeans, is still alive out there, somewhere.

The glint of the rose-tint is not gold.  
Captain Twitter shall not remain lost.  
Some like coffee hot, others like it cold.  
Key details shall never away be tossed.  
Dark Cloud, the Void, and pagination we shall destroy.  
With any means necessary, we shall eventually sing.  
Humans and mannequins alike we employ.  
The homepage again shall be king.


	35. Day 59

Day 59:

All we recovered of the robotic owl was half of its right wing. Not that I particularly care about reassembling that fashion-hating thing, but it WAS General Tumblr's precious artifact...

Wait. Maybe if we can find more materials, we can assemble our OWN reality-warping Superweapon. We'll fight the pagination, the Void, and Dark Cloud with their own medicine.

The mannequin who lost several toes suggested using the broken pieces of said broken-off toes to add onto the owl, as they could find replacement toes later. I'm not sure if I want to do this, but if it saves the homepage...

Welcome, Spring-Heeled Owl.  
Prepare to eventually fight Dark Cloud.  
You might not be our Hero, but...  
We'll never know until we try.  
The homepage again shall be king.


	36. Day 60

Day 60:

Most of us have become restless, wondering if the homepage will ever be returned to us.

The pagination seems to have gone into hiding. There were a few reports of the UFO (that may or may not be Dark Cloud) being spotted. Captain Twitter was finally pulled out from the hole.

A few mannequins and I are still working on assembling Spring-Heeled Owl. To be honest, I hope we never have to use it. I'd much rather our "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero arrive and save us, just as the rumours stated.

So, who is our Hero? Where is our Hero? Has the Void swallowed them up already? Is that why we always seem to be Hero-less?


	37. Day 61

Day 61:

People were tempted to drown out their sorrows with alcohol, but others were quick to point out that if we were all drunk, then we would easily be taken over, so they gave up.

One mannequin was extremely curious to see if mannequins could get drunk, however, and drank a bottle anyway. The test was inconclusive.

When will the madness end? The rose-tint to these sunglasses won't keep us happy forever...

It's only a mask.


	38. Day 62

Day 62:

Oh, no. Someone accidentally shoved Spring-Heeled Owl into the one working garbage disposal we had left. What a shame.

General Tumblr was furious and decided to go trek out into the world to go buy a new mechanical owl. He asked us if anyone wanted any souvenirs. A few mannequins said clothes, one said a box of Frosties just like Captain Twitter had, and I said a hammer. Why? No reason.

Meanwhile, it is rumoured that the pagination is dead. If that is true, then who is controlling Dark Cloud and/or the reality-warping Superweapon? Is it really Guy Fieri? And what of the homepage? What has become of him?

And where is our Hero?


	39. Day 63

Day 63:

A signal article from the Funny Pic Dump faction mysteriously rose some time late last night. We found it standing high amidst the missing homepage this morning. We are hoping this means that there are survivors.

"But, Publius," a mannequin began. "Don't you realise what this means? A signal of hope on an unspecified Thursday on a date later than the 42nd Day..."

Yes. Indeed. Does this mean our "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero is on his or her way?

The mannequin who wanted cereal got cereal, General Tumblr sent out an order for the commission of a second Spring-Heeled Owl, Captain Twitter got out of the hole, the mannequins might be able to return to Mannequin Territory soon, and my rose-tinted sunglasses might not be needed anymore.

Why would you need the rose-tint to fake joy if you are so very close to helping rescue the kingdom's one and only ruler?

It is all working out.  
We'll just need to ensure that the pagination remains missing-in-action, that Dark Cloud gets obliterated, and if Dark Cloud ISN'T the reality-warping Superweapon, then give THAT back to the mannequins, seal the Void, and finally clear up Guy Fieri's innocence.  
Hopefully, we succeed.  
No. We SHALL succeed.

And the homepage again shall be king.


	40. Day 66

Day 66:

The "signal of hope" fell over. We cannot find it now.

Does this mean that the signal was fake?

Or does this mean that our Hero turned around and left?

Or does it mean something worse? Did our Hero get captured like the homepage did?

Will we have to become our own Heroes?

Around us, hope seems to flitter.  
Despair brings us things to be tossed.  
We leave the battles to Tumblr and Twitter.  
But we shall defeat the villains at any cost.  
To be among Heroes is the greatest test.  
To revitalise our land, we shall sing.  
None of this shall be spoken in jest:  
The homepage again shall be king.


	41. Day 67

Day 67:

The mannequins are still attempting to guess the name of our legendary Hero, through playing a game of Scrabble.

First it was "Matt", then "Mattress".  
It was "Don", then "Donatello".  
"Mick" to "Mickey".  
"Dar" to "Darren".  
"Mel" to "Oh no, I ate one of the Scrabble pieces instead of my cereal".  
Half of them weren't even names.

General Tumblr got a letter stating that the second Spring-Heeled Owl will arrive soon, alongside my hammer. Great.

Captain Twitter scanned outside for another signal of hope, only to turn up empty-handed.

We will just have to wait it out. Waiting is key.  
Waiting to take down the pagination.  
Waiting to take down the Void.  
Waiting to take down Dark Cloud.  
Waiting to follow the Worms...

Wait.

Waiting to rescue the homepage.  
We shall succeed. Eventually.


	42. Day 68

Day 68:

The homepage updated with two articles, one from a faction we believed to have been nuked already.

Does this mean that everything will be okay? Or is this a false update to get our hopes up with?

We would check, but a storm has arrived. Or, at least, we believe it's just a storm. It could be Dark Cloud in disguise. Either way, nobody has left the building in the last hour. The Void still exists. (Where is the pagination? That coward...)

As for false hopes, there is one key detail that leads me to believe the update is fake: where is our Hero?

Wait.  
...To-morrow is Thursday.

May our Hero arrive.  
And when he or she does...

The homepage again shall be king.


	43. Day 69

Day 69:

A mannequin came up me to me claiming that the reality-warping Superweapon was in their bed this morning. They took me to their bed, but when we got there, it was gone.

And in its place was a dark chasm that reeked of the Void.

I wish I knew what was going on. I took up my notebook and pen, put on my rose-tinted sunglasses, rounded up the mannequins, and took them, General Tumblr, and Captain Twitter out of the building.

Within minutes, the entire establishment was engulfed in the Void.

Testing it, a mannequin stuck an arm in and immediately (if not sooner) lost it at the shoulder. It was, simply, cleanly ripped off.

When questioned why, they replied, "It told me to". Whatever that meant.

General Tumblr's package that included the second Spring-Heeled Owl and my hammer arrived. I was given the tool, and Captain Twitter tied a long rope to the ankle of the robotic owl, turned it on, and chucked the thing into the Void-like chasm.

We now stand here, waiting for the Owl to not only retrieve the mannequin's taken arm, but to see how far this "Void Replica" goes. What if the reality-warping Superweapon really is in there? Could we win the Great War if we get it back?

We must now camp out in front of the remains of our own camp.

I thought our Hero was to arrive to-day, but I guess I was sadly mistaken.

Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit.


	44. Day 70

Day 70:

The rope is still going. We all took turns staying up to keep an eye on the rope- and when it came to be General Tumblr's turn, he ended up tying another rope to its end.

As of this moment, the second Spring-Heeled Owl has not returned- and, because of this, has not returned with anything of substance (such as that one mannequin's missing arm, the reality-warping Superweapon, or even the homepage himself).

Overwhelmed, one mannequin began singing an old Mannequinnese folk song (that apparently is about indefinitely having hope) completely out-of-tune and off-meter, even to the point of forgetting the lyrics half-way through and ad-libbing new ones off of the top of their head in a screeching, nightmarish manner.

Unable to stand it any longer, Captain Twitter took the mannequin and chucked them into the Void Replica. We are now down one more mannequin.

When will the madness end?  
When will our Hero arrive?  
When will the villains be defeated?  
When will I get to use my hammer?  
When will the homepage again be king?


	45. Day 74

Day 74:

The remaining mannequins spent the weekend mourning the two of their kind lost to the Void. JXR-29 on the Thirty-fourth Day; YYUB on the Seventieth Day. Rest in peace.

The second Spring-Heeled Owl has not returned from the Void Replica. Another rope was added on. Why did we think this was a good idea?

We are at a loss for what to do. Do we wait for our Hero? Or do we admit defeat and give ourselves up to whatever menace has caused all this turmoil? The Void Replica IS right here to swallow us up...

What would the homepage want?

...It seems as though I cannot remember...

What WOULD he want us to do...?

Ah...


	46. Day 75

Day 75:

The homepage updated, although sparingly. We have taken this as a sign that he is still alive and well, wherever he's currently being held.

The Void and its Replica still exist, unfortunately. The villain and our Hero are still missing in action. Nothing is being accomplished from either end.

The rope is still going. Captain Twitter continues to eat cereal. The mannequins are playing Scrabble again. General Tumblr went looking for survivors of this Great War.

Here I stand, hammer in hand; rose-tinted glasses on face.

I was hired to be the transcriber of events. If the homepage is rescued, my job is finished.  
What would my purpose be, then?  
Everyone else would still have their ranks; what would become of me?

...This Great War cannot end...


	47. Day 76

Day 76:

Amidst my existential crisis, a mannequin saved me from bashing my own head in.

Five simple words- "Put the hammer down, Publius".

The homepage updated- and thoroughly this time. This is the ray of hope.

And it happened on a Thursday, as the rumours stated. But where is our Hero?

Also unfortunately, the Void and its Replica still exist; and the pagination unleashed an attack while we were distracted.

General Tumblr added another rope for the line to the second Spring-Heeled Owl, we all packed up our things, and Captain Twitter lead the way out of the camp area. The ropes being our "breadcrumbs" of sorts.

I believe it is time for us to confront the villains.

Time for us three humans and eight rescued mannequins of Camp Recent-Posts to be our own Heroes.  
Time for us to rescue our past-and-future-king.

...Time for the transcribing to end...?  
What of my job...? My purpose...?

Ah...

"Put the hammer down, Publius".


	48. Day 77

Day 77:

The homepage is still updating, signaling us. There is hope.

We still are trekking on foot, attempting to find the villains responsible.

The Void and its Replica still exist. We think we spotted Dark Cloud at one point, but we aren't sure. The pagination has not attacked to-day, either.

General Tumblr found a map and has been marking possible locations for us to check. First is a little camp near the Funny Pic Dump faction. We are almost there.

We shall succeed.

And the homepage again shall be king.


	49. Day 80

Day 80:

The homepage's updates have stopped once more, but what has been added has not disappeared, unless it has entered the Void.

We stopped by the Wholesome Meme faction to see how its inhabitants are doing, and they were completely unaware that there was even a Great War. They gave us more rope for the second Spring-Heeled Owl and an entire case of yogurt.

The UFO that nobody is sure exactly what is was spotted and it zipped away immediately after someone pointed out that it was there. I am thinking that it might be a spy for the pagination.

If this is true, then the villains know that we're coming.

We shall not be stopped.

...Stopped?

If we can win, there will be grand chatter.  
There will be rejoicing and peace.  
No more bickering, none of that matter.  
The role of the villains shall cease.  
The transcriber will have to be fired.  
Fear shall be thrown towards the ring.  
The roles we have shall be retired.  
The homepage again shall be king.


	50. Day 81

Day 81:

The homepage remains missing. The rope keeps getting longer. The mannequins are eating my yogurt. General Tumblr and Captain Twitter are trying their best to keep us all sane.

We are entering the Tumblr Gets Deep faction, home of General Tumblr. Perhaps the villains will show themselves in such a familiar place.

We have yet to encounter anyone. The Void still exists, however.

Nothing has been resolved.

And our Hero is nowhere in sight.

Perhaps we shall have to be our own Heroes after all.


	51. Day 82

Day 82:

Something fiercely pulled on the rope, and it took a mannequin with it. We tried to go back for them, but we could not keep up with the speed and force of (what we assume to be) the Void Replica. We are now down another mannequin.

The last words we heard from LM-P92 were them claiming they'd rescue the second Spring-Heeled Owl and retrieve the missing arm. I am not sure they will ever come back.

In pace requiescat.

We have entered the ruins of the Tumblr Gets Deep faction. It has been ravaged, survivors say, by the pagination. They swear that the reality-warping Superweapon was used.

Does that mean our theory about it being converted into Dark Cloud is wrong? Or are they talking about Dark Cloud? I do not know.

Everybody's too scared to speak anymore.


	52. Day 83

Day 83:

We gave General Tumblr a great while alone to mourn the nuking of his home faction. He blamed himself, he did. Claimed that if he had been there, everything could have been saved. That he shouldn't have gone to the Great War.

We reassured him that protecting more than one faction through leading battles was more than an accomplishment, but it wasn't having it. He angrily scribbled down an order for a third Spring-Heeled Owl. (Apparently, this order also includes free hot sauce?)

Next, we are to visit the Land of the Tweets, home of Captain Twitter. I hope that this reunion fares better than this one. And that we learn more of the homepage's whereabouts; that we put an end to this madness; let the mannequins return home to Mannequin Territory.

For if we fail, I fear to see what has become of Camp Recent-Posts if I ever return home.


	53. Day 84

Day 84:

The on-foot journey to the Land of the Tweets is taking longer than we thought it would. A mannequin flagged down a Wandering Wizard who gave us three magic scrolls.

They can only be used once each, and the wishes are permanent. You cannot wish for more wishes, travel back in time, or to stop something that at least one person does not want to be stopped.

Captain Twitter used one scroll to wish for a method of transportation for us. Suddenly, the third Spring-Heeled Owl arrived, this time, gigantic. Like an absurd Trojan Horse. We climbed inside and General Tumblr located the promised free packets of hot sauce.

I sit here in my rose-tinted glasses, hammer in hand, notepad and pen in the other, next to the remaining seven mannequins, and across from General Tumblr and Captain Twitter; all of us within a giant mechanical owl as we search constantly for what we have lost.

I'm not sure I can believe what's going on anymore.

I not sure I can ever believe that the homepage again shall be king.


	54. Day 87

Day 87:

We arrived at the Land of the Tweets's entrance, a metal gate. Captain Twitter got out to unlock it whilst the rest of us stayed behind in the third Spring-Heeled Owl.

We waited and waited. There were no signals of hope. No cries from the Land's citizens. No shouts from Captain Twitter himself. We glanced out of our carriage and saw that the gate had been open.

But Captain Twitter was gone, and where he had stood was nothing but his key-ring.

We decided to go into the Land of the Tweets anyway. It is what he would have wanted.

And we have to save him, no matter where he may be.

For if we can't save him, how do we expect to save the homepage?


	55. Day 88

Day 88:

The reason we did not hear any people shouting was because nobody knew that we had arrived. Usually, unlocking the gate sounds an alarm, but we had arrived during a power outage.

That still leaves an unanswered question: if nobody realised we had arrived, then who or what kidnapped Captain Twitter? Funnily enough, a citizen of the Land of the Tweets had a possible answer: the menace known as "Distributor Plugin".

With the most bizzare of names, Distributor Plugin is allegedly the one who shut the power off to the Land. We easily compared this person to the unknown/nameless menace behind the pagination attacks, Dark Cloud, the Void, the kidnapping of our king, and (potentially) the creation of the reality-warping Superweapon.

Wait... "Distributor Plugin" starts with a "D"... Our "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero...  
Is the villain also our Hero?  
Our Hero is brainwashed...?  
Or is it just a coincidence?

If that IS the case, however, we desperately need to rescue those three: our Hero, Captain Twitter, and our past-and-future king, Homepage von Pleated Jeans.


	56. Day 89

Day 89:

Captain Twitter turned up in a tree near the town square. How he got there- only he KNEW- but he is currently being plagued by a mild case of amnesia. He was given a glass of warm apple cider to help; DOES that even help?

He did, however, through the amnesia, vaguely recognise the name "Distributor Plugin", so maybe that truly is the villain after all?

We parked the third Spring-Heeled Owl near the Town Hall. I believe we'll be staying here a while, planning. Planning for our wave of attacks, for our rescue mission, for our safety.

So that we can succeed. I don't think we need our Hero anymore.  
We ARE the Heroes.

And thanks to us, eventually, the homepage again shall be king.


	57. Day 90

Day 90:

Whilst sitting with the citizens of the Land of the Tweets, half-hoping for Captain Twitter to potentially return on his own, a telegram arrived, declaring the Funny Pic Dump faction to be completed devoid of articles and citizens.

We asked how that happened, and there was one clue: the name Guy Fieri was mentioned, for the first time in a while.

I had thought Guy Fieri was nothing more than a scapegoat for the pagination, but I guess not. This is implying that the two are on par with one-another- they are in cahoots.

So, another villain has entered the fray as we have lost a Hero.

Wherever you are, Captain Twitter, please return.

And hopefully return with the homepage.


	58. Day 91

Day 91:

Captain Twitter's whereabouts are still unknown. The homepage is still missing in action. The mannequins are growing restless without their Scrabble board (it was left outside in the third Spring-Heeled Owl).

I attached my hammer to my belt, so now I do not have to carry it in my hand at all times. I'm still stuck with these rose-tinted sunglasses, though. They look rather silly, but I have slowly grown a tad fond of them.

General Tumblr is flipping through a phone book, looking for Guy Fieri's number. He reasoned that since the villains have no qualms about ripping apart reality, then we should have no qualms about calling them and demanding the homepage back. Fair enough.

Time will tell if this idea pans out.


	59. Day 94

Day 94:

General Tumblr found two different Guy Fieris in the phone book, but there is one problem: we cannot call either of them as long as the Land of the Tweets is without power. Bummer.

We did, in the meantime, see what appeared to be Dark Cloud fly over-head, but it did not stop to attack nor to yell at us. It did, however, blast some sad piano-and-harp music as it zipped by- what that means, I do not know. And I don't think I WANT to know.

As soon as this power outage is fixed, hopefully, we all shall make head-way in our grand adventure.

We shall either rescue our Hero or become our own Heroes.  
We shall save Captain Twitter and the homepage.

And most importantly, the homepage again shall be king.


	60. Day 95

Day 95:

The power has finally returned, but Captain Twitter and the homepage have not.

General Tumblr called the first of the two Guy Fieris listed, and the first one was outraged that we believed him to be a villain and hung up immediately. We will have to see how the other one reacts. Perhaps this WAS the correct one?

I just wish everything could be restored to its proper place or role. I can barely remember how life went before the Great War anymore...


	61. Day 96

Day 96:

General Tumblr called the second Guy Fieri listed, only to be met with Captain Twitter's voice singing "High Hopes" by Pink Floyd!

He asked why he was doing that- only to be responded by lyrics from "Time" instead.

He hung up, confused. It then dawned on us all that we are his "high hope" to be saved, and that he, apparently, is short on "time". It was a code!

We packed up everything and hopped back into the third Spring-Heeled Owl, thanking the citizens of the Land of the Tweets on the way out- also promising to save their leader.

And our leader, the homepage.  
And everybody affected by this madness.

...It then occurred to us that we have no idea where neither Captain Twitter nor the homepage are being held.


	62. Day 97

Day 97:

The homepage updated, but not thoroughly enough for our liking. The Void still exists, but only at a three day gap rather than the three week gap it HAD been encompassing. It is currently unknown if the Void Replica back at our camp is still raging or not as well.

A mannequin reminded me about our alleged Hero arriving on an unspecified Thursday any day after the 42nd day. Is this it? Is our Hero going to arrive soon? Even later to-day? Is it all finally over?

If the homepage is currently safe enough to almost do a full-scale update, then how is Captain Twitter being treated? Is he okay? Are they both okay, and this isn't the homepage's grand death, never to update again? Am I worrying too much?

...What shall it take for us to win?

Captain Twitter told us to always have hope.  
There is little, but there is still always time.  
With kidnappings and reality-warping we cannot cope.  
We shall see if we can compete in our prime.  
The Great War shall be won for those back home.  
Throughout the kingdom, these notions shall ring:  
The villains will be never allowed once more to roam.  
And the homepage again shall be king.


	63. Day 98

Day 98:

The homepage continues to update. A beacon of light has sprung up from the soil. We decided to start following it, hoping that it is a signal of where our king or Captain Twitter are being held. If our theory is correct, then it is the same location.

The mannequins began singing an old Mannequinnese folk tune- the same one YYUB sang before being tossed into the Void Replica- all on key this time. It actually sounded good once sung properly.

The beacon appears to be coming from an old faction that has long since been abandoned: the Obvious Plant faction. This cannot be good. This definitely must be it. We slowly approach.

General Tumblr attempted to start singing along, but was only successful in pronouncing every-other word. I'm not even sure what is being sung myself- but I was told that it was about having hope.

Here is our hope: for our General, for our Captain, for our friends, for myself, for the living, for the dead, and for our king.

Ad victoriam.


	64. Day 101

Day 101:

There it stands- a huge tower. The beacon of light lead us here. There is an obstacle to be had, how do we get in?

General Tumblr commanded our transportation Owl to do what its namesake Spring-Heeled Jack was known for- jumping over high places. The Owl simply leapt up the side of the tower.

We landed on top and removed ourselves from the inside of the Owl. Now, for our ambush. General Tumblr took half of the mannequins with him, and left the other half with me. He and his group began searching for Captain Twitter.

As for my group? I readied my hammer.

Time to take back our king.


	65. Day 102

Day 102:

I do not know how General Tumblr's rescue mission of Captain Twitter is going, but I can assure everyone that Dark Cloud is currently attempting to annihilate me and my half of the group.

The stairs were warped out and we slid down a ramp that appeared. We seem to have landed in a dungeon of some sort...  
Thinking that it had succeeded in disposing of us, Dark Cloud flew off and left us. A mannequin then pulled out one of the two remaining Wish Scrolls and wished us out of the dungeon. We are now in a hallway- and there is a bright light around the corner.

Is this it?  
Are we this close to winning? To retrieving our king?  
No, it cannot be true.  
It cannot be over with... Not this easily...

There will soon be no more transcribing to be done, then.  
Put the hammer down, Publius.


	66. Day 103

Day 103:

We rounded the corner to discover that the light had vanished. But we are now in a different dungeon set from the one we fell into earlier.

Due to the light, we can determine that the homepage must be in one of these cells. A mannequin suggested using the last Wish Scroll to wish for the homepage's location, but another pointed out that we should save it for escaping the tower later. I pointed out that General Tumblr has the last Scroll, so we cannot even use it!

We must find our past-and-future king discreetly and quickly.  
Which one of these thirty cells contains him?


	67. Day 104

Day 104:

I went in one direction; the three mannequins in my group took three other directions. We checked every cell we could.

It appeared that none of them are holding the homepage until we saw the light again.  
In the twenty-seventh cell, the beacon of light that lead us here shown.  
There was no homepage to be seen.

We asked the light what it was. A voice told us that he was the homepage, but had been rendered invisible so we couldn't find him. "He" continued on, claiming that they had suppressed most of his powers, but had forgotten to take his light-summoning ones.  
A mannequin played it smart and asked him how could we be sure that he was the right guy?  
And out of his mouth came this rhyme:  
"Of gold and silver, there is value.  
Of rose and lilac, there is fame.  
From blue to red, there shall you  
Rescue the king and win the game.  
With tool and cunning, you shall win.  
The anthem again shall you sing.  
Once the villains have become has-beens.  
The homepage again shall be king."

I raised my hammer and pounded in his little invisible head.  
The homepage never liked my poems.

We have the wrong guy.

...We've been spotted.


	68. Day 105

Day 105: We've been thrown into a cell ourselves. General Tumblr and his half of the group are nowhere to be found. I hope they are all okay.

But at least I took down that fake homepage.  
Now, we just need to bust out, regroup, rescue, and escape.

Once and for all.


	69. Day 108

Day 108:

To our surprise, General Tumblr and the other half of the mannequins were thrown into the same cell as us. We are reunited, but at a cost: the only one lost from this reunion is the homepage.

We have one Wish Scroll and two possibilities to use it for- one, to wish our way out of the cell. Or two, to wish for the homepage to be wished to our current location, and then leave the escape mission up to luck.

Which do we choose? What would be best?

...Is it best that we give up?

There is no Hero, only Void...


	70. Day 109

Day 109:

We shall not let the pagination and its scapegoat Guy Fieri win. We shall not let Dark Cloud/the reality-warping Superweapon win. We shall not let the Void and its Replica win.

We shall save our kingdom and restore order. We shall rescue the homepage.

Through all the darkness, there is light.  
Through all despair, there is hope.  
Though the homepage currently is not in sight.  
Though in this cell, there is no way to cope.  
To-day could we the tragedy be mending.  
To-day could be one where we sing.  
If we can turn this into a happy ending.  
The homepage again shall be king.

General Tumblr opened the final Scroll and wished for the homepage to be brought to our location.

And here he stands: our past-and-future king.  
We will be our own Heroes.

Now all we have to do is go rescue Captain Twitter, defeat the villains, and abscond.

And everything should be normal again.


	71. Day 111

Day 111:

A mannequin broke several of their toes off and fashioned them into what amounted to a makeshift lock-pick and picked the lock, setting us free.

We all ran (the homepage being carried by two mannequins out of respect and repentance for once utilising the reality-warping Superweapon). It was at that moment that we realised that the mannequins, in fact, still know how to run that thing; so, if we could somehow break Dark Cloud apart, they could get the Superweapon back and warp reality back to the continuity we always had known; Void-free, villain-free; everyone back to us and safe.

But then it hit me. If we go back to the reality we once knew, then what is to stop this insanity from happening all over again?  
And if we go to a new, free-of-madness reality, then what would be the cost of leaving this world behind? What sort of mental stress- guilt- would befall us?

..."But we shall defeat the villains at any cost", one of my old poems had stated.  
Even at the cost of my transcribing job? Is this truly what it means to be a Hero?  
This is a gift, it comes with a price...

We approached Dark Cloud.

I took off my rose-tinted sunglasses.


	72. Day 112

Day 112:

The mannequins began battling Dark Cloud under General Tumblr's guidance. Without the rose-tint, I can truly see the malevolence before us. It is worse than I thought.

One mannequin got sawed in half, and two others got distracted running to help them. General Tumblr pulled out a quarterstaff and tried to hold off the ensuing attack from Dark Cloud. The homepage stands behind me.

Before I could raise my hammer, there were a few footsteps from behind us. Everyone paused.

What had entered was the entity we knew as the pagination. True name- Distributor Plugin.


	73. Day 115

Day 115:

Distributor Plugin, otherwise known as the pagination, approached us.  
Yes, indeed, he confirmed the legend of the "M"-or-"D"-Named Hero, but in a rather heartbreaking way.

Distributor Plugin, standing right before us, confirmed our suspicions- he IS the missing Hero.  
But, what went wrong?  
He went on to tell the sorry tale of a person who wanted more than anything to avoid the Fate of being a Hero. And to avoid Fate, that destined Hero had to manually change his own. The Hero decided to become a villain.

And that Hero-turned-villain was him.

There was no other reason, he pointed out, to become one other than not wanting to be a Hero. General Tumblr raged about how he endangered countless people's lives and left everyone without a king.  
Distributor Plugin did not care.

Before I or any of the mannequins could prevent General Tumblr from raising his quarterstaff, there was a loud explosion as most of the ceiling caved in that did.

Riding on top of the third Spring-Heeled Owl was none other than Captain Twitter.


	74. Day 116

Day 116:

When questioned on how Captain Twitter's escape was possible, Guy Fieri entered. It turns out that he was tired of being the pagination Distributor Plugin's scapegoat and let Twitter out in exchange for forgiveness.

But, there was one person who would NOT forgive him, and that was his former master. The pagination proceeded to annihilate Guy Fieri, frying him until there was not a trace left.

In retaliation, Captain Twitter ordered the third Spring-Heeled Owl to devour the pagination, effectively killing him.

With its master destroyed, Dark Cloud disappeared into a puff of black smoke, leaving behind the reality-warping Superweapon.  
And just like that, the terror was over.

We climbed into the Owl with our king and left the villains's lair.  
We left over the hills, just in time for the sunset.

There is just one last thing to ask- now that the reality-warping Superweapon is back in the mannequins's hands, to what extent do we fix all the damage?


	75. Day 117

Day 117:

The mannequins discovered that the reality-warping Superweapon broke when Dark Cloud dispersed, and if they didn't fix a particular piece, the entire thing would be useless and unable to solve all of the problems.

I gave them my hammer.

It took them a bit, but they managed to get the Superweapon up-and-running. The whole group stepped out of the third Spring-Heeled Owl.

From their previous endeavours with the Superweapon, they knew that it could warp anything that still existed in reality- meaning that, unfortunately, anyone dead and anything trapped in the Void or its Replica cannot be saved. But, did we still want to do it?

The homepage himself ordered them to fire it, to save the world. To restore order, to bring about the return of peace and prosperity.

And with it fired, the world was fixed. Six of the seven mannequins returned to Mannequin Territory and had the Superweapon buried, ensuring that nobody could ever find it again.

General Tumblr returned to the Tumblr Gets Deep faction and he and his people planned to go help rebuild the Funny Pic Dump faction.

Captain Twitter returned to the Land of the Tweets and set up a back-up generator in case a power-outage ever happened again.

I returned with the final mannequin back to Camp Recent-Posts. Thanks to all of this, the others and I are Heroes.

The homepage let me go of my transcriber position.  
I am free of my job, of my purpose...

But, he has given me permission to write one final poem...


	76. Day 118

Day 118:

Throughout all time, there is hope.  
Throughout the world, there is time.  
Once a Hero-turned-villain cannot cope,  
Another Hero must take up the climb.  
The Land of the Tweets and the Funny Pic Dump,  
Were spared from turmoil and set free.  
Tumblr Gets Deep and Camp Recent-Posts's jump.  
The Void and its Replica are nowhere to be.

Prisoners who were are now once more,  
Enjoying freedom, though Pleated Jeans restarts.  
The Mannequins, Captain, and General returned to their homes's core.  
They will always be in our hearts.  
As for me, there's not much left of the Recent-Posts grade.  
And of the villains, of course, there is no hint.  
There's just me, a few others, and the mannequin that stayed.  
There is no need for the blinding rose-tint.

Everyone is as free as their heart.  
Everyone returned to their Lands.  
Though separated, we shall never be apart.  
Everything is back in the correct hands.  
We have done and accomplished our best.  
It is time for us the national anthem to sing.  
With despair quelled, we much deserve our rest.  
For the homepage again is our king.

**FACTUM EST.**


End file.
